Niki Lauda gets to heaven and he sees someone with a huge tyre round their neck, he says ” bugger me if it’s not me old mate Ayton senna” a muffled voice replies ” fuck off I’m princess Diana.
My dad found out I had an imaginary girlfriend.
He said, “You know, you could do better.”
“Thanks dad, that means a lot,” I replied.
“I was talking to your girlfriend.”
Sir Bradley Wiggins has denied taking drugs to help him win the Tour de France, claiming it was a fair win. He added that he had to cycle really fast to escape the colossal razor-toothed fire-breathing luminescent dragon that was chasing him.
On my fifth pint of Stella and I noticed it says ‘Please Drink Responsibly’ on the side of the can.
Well, I’ve got my seat belt on and the car has airbags. Does that count?
I thought chiropractors were a waste of money, but i stand corrected.
Doctor :- “You have been here every day for the past 5 weeks.”
Me :- “But I’m sure there’s something wrong with me.”
Doctor :- “Your a Hypochondriac.”
Me :- “There you go, I knew there was something wrong.”